Remember last Christmas when I was really sick and there was a vagina in my mouth? It was horrible — the worst case of strep that I’ve ever had in my life and I’m pretty sure the most sick I’ve ever been. Well, I was never really able to shake it. I’ve had roughly five or six throat infections of varying degrees since then, some of which have knocked me off my feet, under the covers with fever for days at a time. In general, I have felt tired and weak and groggy for the majority of this year.
And the snoring! I’ve always been a snorer, this is not news. But since the strep incident last year, it has been getting progressively worse. I’m not getting the kind of sleep I should be getting and, for the first time in my life, I’m aware of my own snoring.
When I got home from San Francisco last week, I spent two days in bed with a decent fever. I couldn’t move from my bed, my head pounded, I couldn’t swallow, didn’t want to eat, and was just miserable in general. Finally, I had enough. I had been to see my regular doctor several times this year for these pseudo-strep/tonsillitis issues, but this time, I was going to go see an ENT. I don’t know why it never occurred to me, but I’m so glad I did.
Dr. Singh listened to my complaints and nodded, sympathetically then said, “You sound like a candidate for a tonsillectomy.” I could have kissed that man. Right on his god damned mouth.
So now, the tricky part. Scheduling (and affording) the surgery. I’ve never been under anesthesia — never had any sort of surgical procedure. I’m having quite a bit of anxiety regarding the surgery and the recovery time — enough that my already shitty sleep patterns are now being disrupted by fucking bad dreams. Awesome.
I’ve got to schedule a sleep study before my doctor will perform the surgery. We need to determine if my snoring is actually sleep apnea and if it is, my surgery will then move from out-patient to in-patient and my copay will nearly triple. Seriously, sleep apnea? Fucking mask-wearing, sex-depleting condition, let me tell you.
The earliest appointment for the sleep study? Oh, stop. Don’t jump the gun — we’ve got healthcare bureaucracy tape to cut through, man. I’ve got to FIRST meet with the sleep study doctor for a consult and THEN we can schedule the sleep study. THEN, once those results are in my doctor’s hands, we can schedule the surgery.
I hate it when you’ve got a solution in your sights and you can’t just do it right.the.fuck.now. I’m so impatient.
But just think — in a little while, I’ll be able to eat peanut butter again. I’ll be able to lay on my back or side without actually feeling the sides of my throat touching. I’ll be free from the nooks and crannies that cause every little virus to turn into a raging infection. It’ll be beautiful.