Let’s be honest, here, okay?
I probably spend too much time on the computer. I justify it in a number of ways:
- I don’t have cable tv, so I watch shows online
- I’m a graphic designer, my work IS the computer
- I’m a professional blogger, I have to keep up with it
- I’m dating online, it’s necessary
Blah. Blah. Blah. I think being a part of the computer generation has crippled my social skills. Let me explain…
I was having a talk with a new(ish) friend tonight. My friendship with him is proving to be really kind of amazing in many ways. I will outline them in the coming paragraphs, but it’s really sort of wonderful.
We met on OkCupid and had a date it was fine. I enjoyed his company and wanted to get to know him better. It turned out that there weren’t really any electric sparks, but we were still interested in getting to know one another. We’ve continued to talk a lot and are pretty in-tune with what is going on in each others lives.
What is fascinating to me is that this anomaly, it’s not really all that rare. I am so wrapped up in my brain regarding dating that I have overlooked friendship entirely. I mean, why do we pick our friends? What is the process? Sometimes, it’s just that you know someone for a really long time… Or that you have similar interests or are in a similar space in your lives.
Honestly, the last guy friend I can remember having — like a REAL guy friend, someone I could hang out with and that I wasn’t concerned about him thinking about my boobs OR that I wasn’t concerned about me wanting him to think about my boobs — shit. It’s been probably nearly ten years… Like, high school. That’s bananas.
So, anyway, this new friend is an alcoholic, two years sober. I don’t think I’ve ever been friends with an admitted alcoholic — certainly with lots of addicts.
I’ve always sort of been proud that I didn’t have an addictive nature. When I was at the peak of my drug experimentation and found out I was pregnant, it was an unflappable 180 degree about-face. I’ve never really struggled with feeling addicted or controlled by anything — I guess I’ve sort of taken pride in being stronger than that stuff… Being the one that is in control.
So I said something to my friend about how I thought I was probably, sort of, maybe addicted to dating.
He laughed and said, “There is no maybe with addictions.”
That sort of resonated with me… Like, it’s an idea that has perhaps been living on the end of my tongue, waiting for someone to release it to take flight. Addicted to dating.
And it makes sense. I mean, if you surround yourself in a culture, you are bound to become dependent upon it, right?
So, it’s clear, I need to take a break from dating. I need to step away from the men and approach my mind a bit more seriously, I think. It’ll be a hard thing to do — like being an alcoholic bartender — but I really do need to focus on me for a bit.
Ok, so on to the title of the post — social retard.
And, yes, before anyone gets all up in muh grill about how I’m not supposed to use “retard” anymore, let me just go ahead and toss out this disclaimer — shut the hell up, okay? You know what I mean.
So this guy friend — this one I feel like I’m learning from a great deal — who is subtly challenging me to make changes… I haven’t seen him since our first encounter — a date.
Why, you may ask?
Well. Because I’m a social retard. Duh. I don’t know how to hang out with men in social settings, in general… Much less a man that is supposed to be my friend. Do I bring the boy child? Is is appropriate for me to meet him at his home? I mean, I’ve got questions that need answering, right?
He’s invited me out to his neck of the woods a couple of times and I’ve wanted to go, but felt silly about the questions I had regarding how to be friends. I mean, I’m twenty seven fucking years old. I should know how to make friends, right?
When I shared with him how I feeling about the whole thing, he was very understanding and patient.
He said, “Bring him. Just tell him I’m your friend. Shut up and eat your bbq.”
Phew. Well said. So, my boy and I are going to go have dinner with my friend and his daughter this week. Bless my friend’s heart for being patient with me.