Logged into OkCupid this morning to reply to an email from a fairly cute little 23 year old rocker boy. He’s asked me out for coffee, but my schedule is nuts lately. We’ll see how that pans out. Honestly, I think Im’ getting too old to date those younger men — I mean, that’s almost a five year difference. Seems a bit young.
Anyway, I got an IM while I was on OkCupid. Guess who it was from?
Ahhh, sweet Ginger.
Here’s the backstory on Ginger:
I met him on OkCupid in like… June. I was very clear with him from the get go, I wasn’t interested in dating him but I wanted to be his friend. We met at a burrito joint in town and hit it off nicely, like bros. We’d hang out every now and again, always swapping stories and patting each other on the back for sexual conquests or bein’ a heartbreaker or something. It was a VERY platonic relationship. He never tried anything, I wasn’t attracted to him.
End of discussion.
Until… This one night, he was hosting a trivia gig in midtown and everything was normal, really… For me. I hung out and kept score for his gig, ate and drank on his bar tab. It was super fun. After the gig, we sat on the patio, swapping stories and smoking cigarettes. He walked me to my car, we hugged goodnight. I didn’t think anything of it.
Two minutes after I started to drive away, I got a text from him, “When you took your hair down on the patio, va va va voom.”
Now… This isn’t a SUPER strong come on, but for two people who had not really ever flirted at all, it was strong enough to get my attention.
Long story short, he confessed that he had the hots for me since we first had burritos a month earlier. I was intrigued and, not seeing anyone at the time, so I agreed to meet him the following night for a date.
We dated for about six weeks and it was really fun. He’s a goofy, outgoing, doesn’t-give-a-fuck kind of man. He was totally not my type — short, kind of rotund, balding, ginger-haired, bearded and he wore kilts all.the.time. But when I was with him, I felt a kind of comfort that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. He thought I was beautiful in the morning, after a solid night of mouth-breathing and when my hair looked like something has nested it in overnight. He laughed at my jokes, was interested in my life and just made me feel special.
We never really discussed the parameters of our “relationship,” but what I knew about him was that, at thirty-eight, he wasn’t in any hurry to settle down. He liked kids, but really was in no position to participate in raising one. He didn’t have a real job (worked lots of little odd jobs) and smoked pot daily. He wasn’t my ideal partner, but I knew I was having so much fun with him… My heart, as it typically does, grew legs. I spent two weeks biting my lip, listening to everyone tell me to keep my trap shut about it.
But I couldn’t hold it in. I told him that I liked him and wanted to know what it was we were doing here. I pulled the stupid girl thing — buh. I was so mad at myself for relinquishing all of the power and being all, “Do you like me? Check yes or no!” with him. But whatever, it was done.
Oh, PS. I was suuuuuper drunk when I sent him this email. FML.
The short version, he validated my feelings, said we’d talk about it soon, and then kept putting me off. At first, I was being patient with him… I mean, we were ultimately friends with benefits and I dropped a big giant bomb on him — I expected him to need some time to process things.
We made plans to meet up but they fell through. I can’t remember why, I think it was something about him being sick. Then the next week, we made plans again, but then he got called in to work a gig. Another reschedule because he was “tired” and that this point, I was just over it. Irritated and feeling blown off, I quit trying. If he wanted to make plans, he would call and make them.
He called and asked me to brunch on Sunday. We left plans loose and I was fully expecting another reschedule. He called me that morning around 6am and left me a message that he’d call me round 10am to firm things up. I got up around 8am and got his message and took my time getting ready. At 10:15, I was a little bothered when I hadn’t heard from him. By 10:30, I was pretty irritated.
By 10:45, I went and looked at myself in the mirror. “Why the FUCK are you pacing your house waiting on a call from this thirty-eight year old, unemployed pot head? Get the fuck out of your house.”
So, I did. I left. Went to a coffee shop and then over to my best friend’s house. He calls when I’m on the way to my best friend’s at 10:54 and is SHOCKED that I’ve gone ahead and made other plans. “It’s still in the 10 o’clock hour!”
Dude. Yea. So I pretty much shut it down. Cold shouldered him. He called me once, a few days later, and was like, “I’m sick. I’m messed up. I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much grief. You’re a wonderful person. I just feel terrible.” And I was just like, “Dude, don’t hold me over your head. It’s fine. If you don’t want to meet me, fucking say so. If you don’t want to call, don’t call. I am a BIG girl. Don’t hold me over your head.”
Then I didn’t hear from him for almost the entire month of September.
Ok. So we’re caught up. Jesus. Sorry that took so long.
So, today, I login to OkCupid to respond to an email from a cutie little rocker boy and up pops an IM from Ginger.
We chat, mindlessly, for a few minutes. Then he says, “Someone on here asked me the other day that last time I had sex…when was the last time we had sex? Early September? I forget.”
Ok, Mr. Ginger, noted. You’re making yourself clear that you haven’t had sex since you last touched my sweet ass and, also? I understand that the only reason you’re sending me an instant message is because you want muh lurvin. I’m super good at lurvin, right?
Lame. Fucking lame. Then he asks me if I’m working today, if I have the boy child, and if he call me in a little bit. I tell him that I get off work at 3pm and am going to be in the car for a bit and that he can call me then.
Then, ha. I’m just patting myself on the back. This was very well played on my part.
“I’ll shoot for that window. Failing that, you can call me while you’re in transit, if the mood strikes you.”
I replied: “i’m not sure i still have your number.”
–which is the truth! After I didn’t hear anything from him for three weeks, I just figured he was done and done.
So… Haha… Man, whatever.
I see right throuuuuuugh you. I walk right thrrroooouuughhh yooooooou.